Over the weekend Andrew’s breathing worsened. He was breathing rapidly and wheezing. It felt like he had acquired a new infection. I tried to aspirate his nose to no avail. The bulb aspirator did not inflate once inserted into his nostrils. It felt as if his sinuses were inflamed as no air seemed to be passing through his nose. There was no point in calling the pediatrician because we already had a previously scheduled appointment on Monday. We just had to get through the weekend.

At the pediatrician Jen started to cry in helpless frustration because Andrew has been struggling and sick for the last 10 weeks. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic and there was not much more to do. That evening I was not satisfied so I called the pulmonologist and scheduled an appointment for the next morning. He suggested a stronger antibiotic and discussed doing an upper GI test to see if there are any “rare” conditions that they have not ruled out. We go back to see him tomorrow for a follow up.

I also took Andrew to the cardiologist recently. The VSD (a hole) is causing his heart to grow at a faster rate than the rest of his body. This is causing extra fluid to go in his lungs and making it harder to breathe and fight off lung infections. The cardiologist explained that in a normal person, an infection lasts about a week but in Andrew an infection lasts about six weeks. He gets infected with new viruses before the old ones have gone away. This is why he has been continuously sick since February. He will likely have some sort of an infection until the summer.

The solution is to do open heart surgery to close the VSD. So the little guy is having a really hard first year but I am optimistic that things will improve after all is said and done. I know his angels are watching over him and I’ve prayed for my angles to watch over him as well.

The thought of him being so sick and to have to go through such serious surgery at a young age frightens me. I can’t imagine what we would do without him. I try not to think about the surgery or even the illness. I keep reminding myself that God has blessed us with THIS child for a reason. That reason could be to help him get through the critical early years of his life.

Andrew has been sick for about 6 weeks now. It started out as what seemed to be a cold and developed into a viral infection of the lungs affecting his breathing. At first, we were not too concerned. He had just started daycare and we figured that catching a cold was pretty normal. When it didn’t clear up in two weeks, we took him to the doctor. He didn’t have a fever and was laughing and energetic, so she told us to just watch him and bring him back if he got worse.

The next week he started having trouble breathing and the doctor prescribed a nebulizer treatment. The week after, he continued to get worse and the doctor added a steroid treatment. The following week, when he was not responding to any of the treatments, she told us to go to the emergency room. He was clearly in respiratory distress at 70 breaths per minute and an O2 level of 90%. To make matters worse he is about 20% underweight.

We spent a long week in the hospital worrying about out little boy. They put him on oxygen, a diuretic, and a breathing treatment. It took him about a day to stabilize and the rest of the week to be weaned off the oxygen. Once his breathing came down to 40 breaths per minute and he was able to keep his oxygen level up on room air, they released him from the hospital. He is still wheezing and very congested and while we are grateful to not be in the hospital anymore, we are still concerned that he still has this infection. Our doctor said if he does not improve in the next few days she will consult with a pulmonologist.

It has been a crazy and stressful March and I hope that April will be a bit calmer. All the stress has finally gotten to me. In the last few days I have started having panic attacks, which is something I have not had in a while.

After weighing all the options we decided that flying first class would be the best. We got up pretty early Tuesday morning to catch our 11:45 am flight because we suspected that the lines would be crazy and that with a baby it would take us longer to get ourselves out the door. I had the rental car packed by 8:45 and we were on our way to the airport by 9:00 am. I dropped the family off with the luggage at check-in while I drove to the car rental center and got rid of the car.

Because we had first class tickets, there was no line to check-in. We also saved about $200 in baggage fees because all the bags are free in first class. Navigating through security was not too much of a problem either. I had a baby in my arms so we were directed to go through a much shorter line. Once through security, we went to the American Airlines Club lounge to wait for our flight.

At the American Airlines Club

This was much more civilized than waiting at the gate. We all had our diapers changed and got something to eat; Andrew had formula while we shared a croissant and juice. The executive lounge is a quiet and relaxing place compared to the hustle and bustle of the rest of the airport, so when Andrew started crying I started to panic. Nobody seemed to mind though and a few people even commented as to how adorable he was. When people asked how old he was I felt like I had to explain why I was traveling with a 10 day old. It was as if I had to say, “No, I’m not insane traveling with a newborn! I’m taking my adopted baby home.”

We walked over to the gate a few minutes before boarding. A friend was going to pick us up at the airport and he was texting me with how bad the weather was. We boarded with ease and sat in our very roomy and comfortable seats for the three hour flight home. The captain said that it might be a bumpy flight because of the storm and we had to wait to take off. I was anticipating a delay but it didn’t bother me because I knew that we would all be comfortable and well taken care of.

Comforts of First Class

There ended up being no delay and we took off without a hitch. The flight attendants and passengers in first class were all cooing at our little boy. The fact that he is so adorably cute insured that no one gave us any odd looks. He didn’t cry once and slept most of the flight. We were served hot meals and all the beverages we wanted. We were so worked up about traveling and so far it had been easy and so for that we were very grateful.

To get the better airfare, we landed at the airport 50 minutes from our house (the closest one is 20 minutes away). Neil came and picked us up but because of the “storm” (rain) it took us two hours to get home. I cannot tell you the euphoria I felt that night as I lay in my own bed finally and thankful for my son, a comfortable home, and good friends.

We spent exactly two weeks in Dallas although at the time it seemed like an eternity. Legally speaking, we could not leave the Republic of Texas; practically speaking, we were confined to our two room suite for a fortnight. The building was old and the furniture was worn and depressing, and the television, with its limited selection of channels didn’t do much to help with the confinement. The worst thing was that the hotel’s internet connection was worthless. The weather was getting cold and Andrew was just a week old so we did not want to take him out unless we had to. I used my points and got the entire stay for free so I was not in a position to complain or change hotels. Plus, the staff at the hotel was very pleasant and made us feel welcome.

It was an unusual feeling spending four days in the hospital with people who until a few weeks ago you didn’t know. It’s also hard to describe the emotions of bonding with someone you don’t know very well over something as intimate as a child. During our time with them in the hospital, we got to better understand their relationship and their reasons for placing Andrew for adoption. This gave me confidence that they would go through with the adoption when the time came. They both also kept saying to us that we were the only people they would want raising Andrew, which made us feel like they saw in us what we see in ourselves as parents.

It was a good thing we were in Dallas because we had to print documents, have them notarized and mail them off to the attorney. I tried doing this at the hotel but I was unsuccessful because of the internet issues. We decided to go my Dallas office where I could have the office manager help me. She was great and took care of everything. All I had to do was sign on the dotted line. My staff in Dallas got to meet Andrew and promptly started to rub it in to my staff back home. Needless to say, my staff back home is now jealous and really wants to meet him. I also went into the office another couple of days just to do work. The rest of the time I worked from the hotel room.

We spent the rest of the time making trips to doctors and getting supplies at Target which was conveniently located across the highway. I was eager to start my new life and new routine back in my comfortable and familiar house.

As anyone could imagine, it has been a stressful and exciting two weeks since Andrew was born. We spent four days in the hospital with Andrew.

The nurses were very nice and went against hospital protocol and gave us our own room. We kept Andrew with us in our room. When the nurses came to check on him they talked to us as if we were his parents even though at that point, legally we were not. My wife says it made her feel as if she had given birth to Andrew herself and made the whole experience richer for the both of us.

On the second day in the hospital, we ran into a legal glitch that got me worried. The national adoption agency we are using contracted with a local agency to handle all the paperwork for the adoption and be the agency of record. This local agency didn’t like our paperwork and wanted us to have our home study re-done. Our adoption specialist made a few phone calls and then called me to tell me that we needed to change horses in the middle of the race. They said that instead of doing an agency adoption as planned, we would do a private adoption. They got us in touch with the lawyer who would handle everything. He explained the differences between agency and private adoptions. A private adoption has less rules which works in our favor but it also has more risk. We were planning on taking on that risk anyway so we agreed to go this route.

On the third day, the doctor told us that Andrew has a hole in his heart called a “VSD”. The cardiologist said that it will likely close up by itself but that it is something that should be monitored until it does. We also found out that he has two blockages in his arteries which are also common defects in newborns. These are also expected to improve as he grows. The cardiologist spent time making sure we understood that there was nothing to be concerned about. Naturally, I still worry, but I try to remind myself of the doctors words.

Everyone was released from the hospital on the fourth day. The birth parents signed over guardianship and custody of Andrew over to us. I got my camera out and took a few pictures of everyone and then we hugged and went our separate ways. Since then we have been living in a hotel in Dallas waiting for approval from the state to allow us to leave.

Living in a hotel, in particular this hotel, has been quite depressing. I am eager to get back home where we will all be more comfortable. I am also eager to get back to my routines so feel like I have my life back. This state of limbo has made me feel gloomy. I think some of the sadness also has to do with the stress of a new life change.

We made it to Dallas just fine. I am thinking that the Boeing 737 we flew might be too small for the return trip with a baby in our arms. I’ll investigate a plane that has three seats together. I’m hoping that will be more comfortable and less cramped.

Over the last two days we have spent a lot of time with the birth parents; so much so that I hope they still like us. I’m sure they do, but it is always a fear in the back of your mind.

The big news is that Andrew was born today! He weighs 7 lbs 11 ounces and is 19 inches tall. He has a full head of hair to the point that he looks a little shaggy – but in a cute way. He is everything I could hope. He is cute, adorable and every other word you can use to describe a baby. He spent most of the day sleeping, which I assume is expected; so not much crying but I suspect that will change very soon.

All the newborn tests have not been done yet, but there are no glaring issues so far and I’m keeping my fingers crossed. He is expected to be released from the hospital on Sunday so we made an appointment with a local pediatrician for Monday for his “newborn” checkup. We will make another appointment in two weeks for his “two-week” checkup. Hopefully after that, we will be able to take him home.

I can’t wait to get home. I’ve only spent two days in this hotel and I already hate it. I picked it because it is a suite with a separate bedroom and kitchen, but the building is old and makes me feel a bit depressed. I keep finding little issues with the room or hotel. I need to stop watching Hotel Impossible!

Emotionally, it does not seem real to me. I am very excited and scared at the same time.

Underneath this calm exterior my mind is racing. Mostly I am trying to think about all the things that need to get done at home and at work before the baby arrives. I just hope that I don’t forget anything. Twenty, even ten years ago, I would have been a bundle of nerves and my panic attacks would have been frequent and intense. I had a panic attack last week when I went to the Texas State Fair – it was sensory overload, but I was able to keep it together. Since then I have been able to be relatively calm.

I love buying t-shirts from everywhere I go. At the fair, I bought a Dallas Police Mounted Unit t-shirt for myself and then noticed they had child sizes too. I debated with myself as to whether I should buy one for our son. I felt like if I bought a shirt, I’d jinx the whole thing. I gave in and bought a shirt for him as well. I don’t know anything about sizes so I asked for the smallest one they had. It turns out, he will be three years old before he can wear it.

Last night I bought a firefighter one piece jumper. Again, a small fear crept into my head but I went ahead anyway. We have been looking at strollers and a few other times online. I am still trying to figure out the best way to fly with a newborn and where to stay and what we will need in the hotel.