I often find myself staring at Andrew in amazement because I could not imagine a more beautifully adorable and perfect baby. I wonder how someone who is so imperfect could have something so perfect. At this age, his greatest talent is looking cute.

Happy 1 month birthday to our little one!

The only variable left in this whole adventure of bringing Andrew home were the dogs. They were at the kennel while we were in Dallas. The day after we got back I went and brought them home.  I was concerned how they would react to a new baby They came home and sniffed Andrew who was on the floor. After that, they wandered off and went about doing what they always do. So far, the baby has been a non-event for them. They do not get upset when he cries and he doesn’t get upset when they bark. It is as if the dogs couldn’t care less that there was another person in the house. That may all change once he starts walking, but it is good for now.

How could you not love 
that adorable face?

At home, things are going well, but I’m still in shock trying to take it all in. I don’t think reality has hit yet because I’m still in the honeymoon phase. On the one hand, it feels completely natural and on the other hand I feel like I’m living on Mars. How could you not love that adorable face? My heart skips a beat every time I look at him. I often find myself checking his breathing as he sleeps.

I’m back at work and Jenny is off until the end of February. We are tired and stressed but otherwise overjoyed. She has cried happy tears a few times in the last week. She says he is perfect and I have to agree.

After weighing all the options we decided that flying first class would be the best. We got up pretty early Tuesday morning to catch our 11:45 am flight because we suspected that the lines would be crazy and that with a baby it would take us longer to get ourselves out the door. I had the rental car packed by 8:45 and we were on our way to the airport by 9:00 am. I dropped the family off with the luggage at check-in while I drove to the car rental center and got rid of the car.

Because we had first class tickets, there was no line to check-in. We also saved about $200 in baggage fees because all the bags are free in first class. Navigating through security was not too much of a problem either. I had a baby in my arms so we were directed to go through a much shorter line. Once through security, we went to the American Airlines Club lounge to wait for our flight.

At the American Airlines Club

This was much more civilized than waiting at the gate. We all had our diapers changed and got something to eat; Andrew had formula while we shared a croissant and juice. The executive lounge is a quiet and relaxing place compared to the hustle and bustle of the rest of the airport, so when Andrew started crying I started to panic. Nobody seemed to mind though and a few people even commented as to how adorable he was. When people asked how old he was I felt like I had to explain why I was traveling with a 10 day old. It was as if I had to say, “No, I’m not insane traveling with a newborn! I’m taking my adopted baby home.”

We walked over to the gate a few minutes before boarding. A friend was going to pick us up at the airport and he was texting me with how bad the weather was. We boarded with ease and sat in our very roomy and comfortable seats for the three hour flight home. The captain said that it might be a bumpy flight because of the storm and we had to wait to take off. I was anticipating a delay but it didn’t bother me because I knew that we would all be comfortable and well taken care of.

Comforts of First Class

There ended up being no delay and we took off without a hitch. The flight attendants and passengers in first class were all cooing at our little boy. The fact that he is so adorably cute insured that no one gave us any odd looks. He didn’t cry once and slept most of the flight. We were served hot meals and all the beverages we wanted. We were so worked up about traveling and so far it had been easy and so for that we were very grateful.

To get the better airfare, we landed at the airport 50 minutes from our house (the closest one is 20 minutes away). Neil came and picked us up but because of the “storm” (rain) it took us two hours to get home. I cannot tell you the euphoria I felt that night as I lay in my own bed finally and thankful for my son, a comfortable home, and good friends.

We spent exactly two weeks in Dallas although at the time it seemed like an eternity. Legally speaking, we could not leave the Republic of Texas; practically speaking, we were confined to our two room suite for a fortnight. The building was old and the furniture was worn and depressing, and the television, with its limited selection of channels didn’t do much to help with the confinement. The worst thing was that the hotel’s internet connection was worthless. The weather was getting cold and Andrew was just a week old so we did not want to take him out unless we had to. I used my points and got the entire stay for free so I was not in a position to complain or change hotels. Plus, the staff at the hotel was very pleasant and made us feel welcome.

It was an unusual feeling spending four days in the hospital with people who until a few weeks ago you didn’t know. It’s also hard to describe the emotions of bonding with someone you don’t know very well over something as intimate as a child. During our time with them in the hospital, we got to better understand their relationship and their reasons for placing Andrew for adoption. This gave me confidence that they would go through with the adoption when the time came. They both also kept saying to us that we were the only people they would want raising Andrew, which made us feel like they saw in us what we see in ourselves as parents.

It was a good thing we were in Dallas because we had to print documents, have them notarized and mail them off to the attorney. I tried doing this at the hotel but I was unsuccessful because of the internet issues. We decided to go my Dallas office where I could have the office manager help me. She was great and took care of everything. All I had to do was sign on the dotted line. My staff in Dallas got to meet Andrew and promptly started to rub it in to my staff back home. Needless to say, my staff back home is now jealous and really wants to meet him. I also went into the office another couple of days just to do work. The rest of the time I worked from the hotel room.

We spent the rest of the time making trips to doctors and getting supplies at Target which was conveniently located across the highway. I was eager to start my new life and new routine back in my comfortable and familiar house.

As anyone could imagine, it has been a stressful and exciting two weeks since Andrew was born. We spent four days in the hospital with Andrew.

The nurses were very nice and went against hospital protocol and gave us our own room. We kept Andrew with us in our room. When the nurses came to check on him they talked to us as if we were his parents even though at that point, legally we were not. My wife says it made her feel as if she had given birth to Andrew herself and made the whole experience richer for the both of us.

On the second day in the hospital, we ran into a legal glitch that got me worried. The national adoption agency we are using contracted with a local agency to handle all the paperwork for the adoption and be the agency of record. This local agency didn’t like our paperwork and wanted us to have our home study re-done. Our adoption specialist made a few phone calls and then called me to tell me that we needed to change horses in the middle of the race. They said that instead of doing an agency adoption as planned, we would do a private adoption. They got us in touch with the lawyer who would handle everything. He explained the differences between agency and private adoptions. A private adoption has less rules which works in our favor but it also has more risk. We were planning on taking on that risk anyway so we agreed to go this route.

On the third day, the doctor told us that Andrew has a hole in his heart called a “VSD”. The cardiologist said that it will likely close up by itself but that it is something that should be monitored until it does. We also found out that he has two blockages in his arteries which are also common defects in newborns. These are also expected to improve as he grows. The cardiologist spent time making sure we understood that there was nothing to be concerned about. Naturally, I still worry, but I try to remind myself of the doctors words.

Everyone was released from the hospital on the fourth day. The birth parents signed over guardianship and custody of Andrew over to us. I got my camera out and took a few pictures of everyone and then we hugged and went our separate ways. Since then we have been living in a hotel in Dallas waiting for approval from the state to allow us to leave.

Living in a hotel, in particular this hotel, has been quite depressing. I am eager to get back home where we will all be more comfortable. I am also eager to get back to my routines so feel like I have my life back. This state of limbo has made me feel gloomy. I think some of the sadness also has to do with the stress of a new life change.

We made it to Dallas just fine. I am thinking that the Boeing 737 we flew might be too small for the return trip with a baby in our arms. I’ll investigate a plane that has three seats together. I’m hoping that will be more comfortable and less cramped.

Over the last two days we have spent a lot of time with the birth parents; so much so that I hope they still like us. I’m sure they do, but it is always a fear in the back of your mind.

The big news is that Andrew was born today! He weighs 7 lbs 11 ounces and is 19 inches tall. He has a full head of hair to the point that he looks a little shaggy – but in a cute way. He is everything I could hope. He is cute, adorable and every other word you can use to describe a baby. He spent most of the day sleeping, which I assume is expected; so not much crying but I suspect that will change very soon.

All the newborn tests have not been done yet, but there are no glaring issues so far and I’m keeping my fingers crossed. He is expected to be released from the hospital on Sunday so we made an appointment with a local pediatrician for Monday for his “newborn” checkup. We will make another appointment in two weeks for his “two-week” checkup. Hopefully after that, we will be able to take him home.

I can’t wait to get home. I’ve only spent two days in this hotel and I already hate it. I picked it because it is a suite with a separate bedroom and kitchen, but the building is old and makes me feel a bit depressed. I keep finding little issues with the room or hotel. I need to stop watching Hotel Impossible!

Emotionally, it does not seem real to me. I am very excited and scared at the same time.

They both love the sun

Last weekend we went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday with another couple. It was a great time and I discovered a new restaurant to go back to. During dinner they asked what we were going to do with the dogs when we went to Dallas for the adoption. They were surprised that we had decided to board them for three weeks. The kennel we use is very good with boarding. They have very large runs so that both the dogs can stay together, plus it is a large property out in the country where they can run around for a bit. But boarding two dogs for three weeks is expensive, and they offered to have the dogs come stay with them. While the idea of saving $2,500 excited me, in the back of my mind I knew this was not going to be a good idea. At first I said no, but they insisted, so we offered to bring the dogs over to the house to see how they would get along.

Teddy

Last night we went over to their house for dinner. They have four children from the ages of 10 to 14. Teddy is 13 years old and moves very slowly. He didn’t seem to mind all the people but he was very curious where the smell of the ferret and the hamsters was coming from. He kept wandering around the room smelling and re-smelling every corner. Gracie is 7 years old and we have not done a very good job of socializing her to other people. Until this moment, we never had a reason to. She was on edge all night long and would not allow any of the kids to pet her or play with her. She was in full protection mode and sat next to either me or my wife the entire evening. She was aggressively growling and snapping at the kids to the point that they eventually went into their rooms. I know they were very disappointed because they had expressed a lot of excitement at the prospect of playing with a dog.

Gracie

Experiencing Gracie’s behavior made me wonder how she is going to be when the newborn arrives. I’ve been a bit stressed about it since the weekend especially because I feel that I created the problem by not providing her proper training. I know she was in an environment where she did not feel comfortable or safe – you could see that on her face and in her cowering body language. In our own home, I am hopeful that she will not feel threatened. She is generally fine when our parents come over but she does not have any experience with children or babies. To start with, we will keep Gracie away from Andrew and if that doesn’t work, we will need to hire a dog trainer to help us with this problem.

When we were discussing names for the baby, the birth mother had mentioned that she liked the name Thomas Anthony. My wife, being a school teacher, said that every teacher has a list of names that are trouble, and Anthony is on hers. She has had bad experiences with boys named Anthony. We wanted to honor the birth parents in some way for giving us such a precious gift and thought we could use Thomas as a middle name. We had not thought much about first names. I always assumed that if I had a boy that he would be named William Robert so I could call him Billy Bob. That does not work as well with Thomas. If he was John Thomas we could call him JT.

Last week in church the name Andrew came to me and I turned to my wife and said, “Our son’s name is Andrew Thomas”. Honestly I am not sure where the name came from and I am still getting used to it. My wife was talking to the birth mother the other day and she once again asked if we had thought of any names. Before my wife could tell her the name we selected, the birth mother said that her daughter’s last name is Andrew and they were thinking that Andrew Thomas might be a nice name. She asked if we might consider it. The conversation got eerily quiet after my wife told her that we had already selected the name Andrew Thomas. It seems that at every corner there are signs that this baby is meant for us, but I just don’t want to jinx anything.

For quite some time I have imagined what it would be like to have a child. As I read books or watch television I ponder how I would explain the world to my son; when I visit places I think about the wonder in his eyes for seeing something for the first time. I anticipate sharing my passions for history, travel, photography, food, and learning. I look forward to watching him play sports; participate in Boy Scouts and helping with homework. My greatest excitement comes when I think about playing with him; I want to build models of planes, trains, and automobiles; I want to build creativity with Legos; I want to finish jigsaw puzzles; I want to play basketball in the driveway. I want to do all the things my father never did with me. I am hoping that I will be a good father because of the emotionally absent father I grew up with.

There is something primal about becoming a father. Research shows that dads in early human species aided in children’s bathing, feeding, playing and teaching them the lessons of prehistoric life. I am developing this prehistoric biological sense of family. My mind is already beginning to bond with a baby that not only isn’t born yet, but is not even genetically mine. My inner caveman is walking around with his club looking for threats against my family while trying to figure out how to provide for them. Mentally I am preparing to be the person who will do anything for his family to survive and thrive. My inner caveman will kill, steal and deceive. I am looking forward to bathing, feeding, playing and teaching my boy. While I realize that there are many fathers who do not take their responsibilities seriously, for me it feels like a pre-programed genetic response.

Underneath this calm exterior my mind is racing. Mostly I am trying to think about all the things that need to get done at home and at work before the baby arrives. I just hope that I don’t forget anything. Twenty, even ten years ago, I would have been a bundle of nerves and my panic attacks would have been frequent and intense. I had a panic attack last week when I went to the Texas State Fair – it was sensory overload, but I was able to keep it together. Since then I have been able to be relatively calm.

I love buying t-shirts from everywhere I go. At the fair, I bought a Dallas Police Mounted Unit t-shirt for myself and then noticed they had child sizes too. I debated with myself as to whether I should buy one for our son. I felt like if I bought a shirt, I’d jinx the whole thing. I gave in and bought a shirt for him as well. I don’t know anything about sizes so I asked for the smallest one they had. It turns out, he will be three years old before he can wear it.

Last night I bought a firefighter one piece jumper. Again, a small fear crept into my head but I went ahead anyway. We have been looking at strollers and a few other times online. I am still trying to figure out the best way to fly with a newborn and where to stay and what we will need in the hotel.

Last week we lost out on two opportunities to adopt a baby. Both birth mothers decided on other families. We understood the first one but the second one left us a little confused because we really felt like that was “the one” for us. He was of mixed-race and we thought the birth mother would be attracted to our colorful family. The baby was born with club feet and would need long-term medical attention to correct the issue. Somehow, for me this imperfection made the baby perfect partly because I see myself as an imperfect human.

We were disappointed at this but not devastated because it seemed like our profile had been getting a lot of traction lately. I was becoming convinced that it was just a matter of time before we would have a child of our own. Within that same week, our social worker contacted us about yet another possible match.

A 37 year old woman will be giving birth to a boy in Dallas, TX around Thanksgiving. Although the expense of this particular adoption is out of our budget, we agreed to be considered. After three years of looking, I was not about to let money stop me and I also assumed that based on our previous track record, we would not be selected so the money would be a moot point. Ironically, I was planning on being in Dallas this week for business. I was not sure if God was trying to tell me something or not.

I have never told anyone at work or any of our friends about any of the opportunities that have come our way. There was a certain excitement about this particular one that I was not able to contain. My boss has adopted two girls and understands the struggles. He and I have talked frequently about my frustrations. He was the first one I told. I said to him, “There is a pregnant woman in Dallas” and he immediately thought that the woman we hired two weeks ago in our Dallas office is pregnant. I had to quickly explain at which point he was relieved and excited. I also told my coworker about the situation.

By Friday morning we still had not heard anything and we were starting to get anxious. I emailed Kansas City and my social worker said that we would not hear anything until this week. Over the weekend, I tried to put it out of my mind because it was no different than any of the other times we had been disappointed. On Sunday, I packed up my suitcase and flew to Dallas with a strange feeling. I was going to a city that had the potential of changing my life forever.

We received notification that we have been matched with a birth mother on Monday. Because I was already in Dallas, I met the birth mother for dinner and things went really well. About as well as you can expect when two strangers meet for the first time for something as intimate as a baby. I felt like we really connected and had a lot in common. Now it is just a matter of waiting for the baby to arrive!