Having a baby through adoption is different than having a biological baby. For one thing, you don’t have a baby growing inside your wife for nine months so you don’t get attached to the baby as it develops in the womb. How will you instantly love this little person right after birth when you have never even experienced so much as feeling a kick, hearing the heartbeat, watching your wife’s belly (and baby) grow or sensing the anxiety about what you will do when your wife’s water breaks.

It is also different because the baby is genetically different than you and will not have your nose or her eyes or anyone’s hair. To make matters worse, you have no insight or control over his inherited medical issues. People will be able to see that this is not your baby. He is not made up from parts of you and therefore you have no biological or natural claim to it. 

Although I knew that whatever baby came into our life, that was the baby we were meant to have and raise, I still had these fears and thoughts about adoption. I thought when a baby was born, that I would have a detached sense of responsibility towards him that would over time grow into love. I also wondered if I would ever feel like he was truly my son since I had not created him and he was not biologically part of me. 

When I met the birth parents five weeks before Andrew was born, I was surprised at the similar personalities, educational backgrounds, career paths and ethnic heritage. This proved to solidify my belief that Andrew truly was the baby that we were meant to raise. The ethnic similarities gave me confidence that he would have similar features to my wife and me and allayed my concerns that he would not be biologically or genetically ours. The parallel personalities, educational backgrounds and career paths were eerily alike and made me think that I might have it all wrong. In essence, it was as if God was saying to make you believe that I have selected this child for you, I will show you traits of yourself in the birth parents. 

Andrew at 1 Day Old

We were in the waiting room during the delivery. Once Andrew was born, the nurse brought us back to meet him. As I saw him through the glass of the window of the nursery, my heart dissolved. That was MY son I was looking at. Immediately, our futures flashed before my eyes and I saw pictures of him crawling, talking, cheerios and goldfish, pumpkin carvings, playing catch in the back yard, going camping, his first date, his first car (panic attack), graduation, Halloween costumes, Christmas, and him growing up to be an old man. I didn’t have to wait for the love to grow over time; I was already in love. 

We were fortunate in that, we were given our own private room at the hospital. Andrew stayed with us in our room and the doctors and nurses came to talk to us about whatever needed to be discussed or decisions needed to be made. It made us feel as if we were the ones who had given birth. 

Andrew at 10 Weeks Old

Now, 11 weeks later, I love him with all my heart and there is no question in my mind that he is MY son just as if I had created him.

So I haven’t had a whole lot to post about until this week when we went to Andrew’s 8 week well baby visit. Good Lord! I can’t believe Andrew is two months old…and while I’d like to say that it’s gone by really fast, it feels like he’s been here for a long time, which of course I mean that in the best way possible. All in all though, he is a great baby. For being two months old, he gets up about once in the night, twice tops. He doesn’t cry that much except for when he has gas. He’s beginning to lift his head up and get some neck control. He smiles randomly and he adores his mother.

Happy 2 Month Birthday!

At his 8 week checkup he weighed in at a whopping 10 pounds 4 ounces. We are all happy at how he is growing. We have been concerned about H1N1 – for which he is too little be vaccinated against; even scarier still is that a baby just died from H1N1 here at the local hospital. Oh yeah, and the vaccinations – two shots for our little guy that had him in tears for a few seconds, but to my surprise he recovered quite well.

But yes, my little boy is 8 weeks old and SOOOOOO big. God I love him :-)  Happy Two Months Bunny!!

I often find myself staring at Andrew in amazement because I could not imagine a more beautifully adorable and perfect baby. I wonder how someone who is so imperfect could have something so perfect. At this age, his greatest talent is looking cute.

Happy 1 month birthday to our little one!

The only variable left in this whole adventure of bringing Andrew home were the dogs. They were at the kennel while we were in Dallas. The day after we got back I went and brought them home.  I was concerned how they would react to a new baby They came home and sniffed Andrew who was on the floor. After that, they wandered off and went about doing what they always do. So far, the baby has been a non-event for them. They do not get upset when he cries and he doesn’t get upset when they bark. It is as if the dogs couldn’t care less that there was another person in the house. That may all change once he starts walking, but it is good for now.

How could you not love 
that adorable face?

At home, things are going well, but I’m still in shock trying to take it all in. I don’t think reality has hit yet because I’m still in the honeymoon phase. On the one hand, it feels completely natural and on the other hand I feel like I’m living on Mars. How could you not love that adorable face? My heart skips a beat every time I look at him. I often find myself checking his breathing as he sleeps.

I’m back at work and Jenny is off until the end of February. We are tired and stressed but otherwise overjoyed. She has cried happy tears a few times in the last week. She says he is perfect and I have to agree.

After weighing all the options we decided that flying first class would be the best. We got up pretty early Tuesday morning to catch our 11:45 am flight because we suspected that the lines would be crazy and that with a baby it would take us longer to get ourselves out the door. I had the rental car packed by 8:45 and we were on our way to the airport by 9:00 am. I dropped the family off with the luggage at check-in while I drove to the car rental center and got rid of the car.

Because we had first class tickets, there was no line to check-in. We also saved about $200 in baggage fees because all the bags are free in first class. Navigating through security was not too much of a problem either. I had a baby in my arms so we were directed to go through a much shorter line. Once through security, we went to the American Airlines Club lounge to wait for our flight.

At the American Airlines Club

This was much more civilized than waiting at the gate. We all had our diapers changed and got something to eat; Andrew had formula while we shared a croissant and juice. The executive lounge is a quiet and relaxing place compared to the hustle and bustle of the rest of the airport, so when Andrew started crying I started to panic. Nobody seemed to mind though and a few people even commented as to how adorable he was. When people asked how old he was I felt like I had to explain why I was traveling with a 10 day old. It was as if I had to say, “No, I’m not insane traveling with a newborn! I’m taking my adopted baby home.”

We walked over to the gate a few minutes before boarding. A friend was going to pick us up at the airport and he was texting me with how bad the weather was. We boarded with ease and sat in our very roomy and comfortable seats for the three hour flight home. The captain said that it might be a bumpy flight because of the storm and we had to wait to take off. I was anticipating a delay but it didn’t bother me because I knew that we would all be comfortable and well taken care of.

Comforts of First Class

There ended up being no delay and we took off without a hitch. The flight attendants and passengers in first class were all cooing at our little boy. The fact that he is so adorably cute insured that no one gave us any odd looks. He didn’t cry once and slept most of the flight. We were served hot meals and all the beverages we wanted. We were so worked up about traveling and so far it had been easy and so for that we were very grateful.

To get the better airfare, we landed at the airport 50 minutes from our house (the closest one is 20 minutes away). Neil came and picked us up but because of the “storm” (rain) it took us two hours to get home. I cannot tell you the euphoria I felt that night as I lay in my own bed finally and thankful for my son, a comfortable home, and good friends.

We spent exactly two weeks in Dallas although at the time it seemed like an eternity. Legally speaking, we could not leave the Republic of Texas; practically speaking, we were confined to our two room suite for a fortnight. The building was old and the furniture was worn and depressing, and the television, with its limited selection of channels didn’t do much to help with the confinement. The worst thing was that the hotel’s internet connection was worthless. The weather was getting cold and Andrew was just a week old so we did not want to take him out unless we had to. I used my points and got the entire stay for free so I was not in a position to complain or change hotels. Plus, the staff at the hotel was very pleasant and made us feel welcome.

It was an unusual feeling spending four days in the hospital with people who until a few weeks ago you didn’t know. It’s also hard to describe the emotions of bonding with someone you don’t know very well over something as intimate as a child. During our time with them in the hospital, we got to better understand their relationship and their reasons for placing Andrew for adoption. This gave me confidence that they would go through with the adoption when the time came. They both also kept saying to us that we were the only people they would want raising Andrew, which made us feel like they saw in us what we see in ourselves as parents.

It was a good thing we were in Dallas because we had to print documents, have them notarized and mail them off to the attorney. I tried doing this at the hotel but I was unsuccessful because of the internet issues. We decided to go my Dallas office where I could have the office manager help me. She was great and took care of everything. All I had to do was sign on the dotted line. My staff in Dallas got to meet Andrew and promptly started to rub it in to my staff back home. Needless to say, my staff back home is now jealous and really wants to meet him. I also went into the office another couple of days just to do work. The rest of the time I worked from the hotel room.

We spent the rest of the time making trips to doctors and getting supplies at Target which was conveniently located across the highway. I was eager to start my new life and new routine back in my comfortable and familiar house.

As anyone could imagine, it has been a stressful and exciting two weeks since Andrew was born. We spent four days in the hospital with Andrew.

The nurses were very nice and went against hospital protocol and gave us our own room. We kept Andrew with us in our room. When the nurses came to check on him they talked to us as if we were his parents even though at that point, legally we were not. My wife says it made her feel as if she had given birth to Andrew herself and made the whole experience richer for the both of us.

On the second day in the hospital, we ran into a legal glitch that got me worried. The national adoption agency we are using contracted with a local agency to handle all the paperwork for the adoption and be the agency of record. This local agency didn’t like our paperwork and wanted us to have our home study re-done. Our adoption specialist made a few phone calls and then called me to tell me that we needed to change horses in the middle of the race. They said that instead of doing an agency adoption as planned, we would do a private adoption. They got us in touch with the lawyer who would handle everything. He explained the differences between agency and private adoptions. A private adoption has less rules which works in our favor but it also has more risk. We were planning on taking on that risk anyway so we agreed to go this route.

On the third day, the doctor told us that Andrew has a hole in his heart called a “VSD”. The cardiologist said that it will likely close up by itself but that it is something that should be monitored until it does. We also found out that he has two blockages in his arteries which are also common defects in newborns. These are also expected to improve as he grows. The cardiologist spent time making sure we understood that there was nothing to be concerned about. Naturally, I still worry, but I try to remind myself of the doctors words.

Everyone was released from the hospital on the fourth day. The birth parents signed over guardianship and custody of Andrew over to us. I got my camera out and took a few pictures of everyone and then we hugged and went our separate ways. Since then we have been living in a hotel in Dallas waiting for approval from the state to allow us to leave.

Living in a hotel, in particular this hotel, has been quite depressing. I am eager to get back home where we will all be more comfortable. I am also eager to get back to my routines so feel like I have my life back. This state of limbo has made me feel gloomy. I think some of the sadness also has to do with the stress of a new life change.

We made it to Dallas just fine. I am thinking that the Boeing 737 we flew might be too small for the return trip with a baby in our arms. I’ll investigate a plane that has three seats together. I’m hoping that will be more comfortable and less cramped.

Over the last two days we have spent a lot of time with the birth parents; so much so that I hope they still like us. I’m sure they do, but it is always a fear in the back of your mind.

The big news is that Andrew was born today! He weighs 7 lbs 11 ounces and is 19 inches tall. He has a full head of hair to the point that he looks a little shaggy – but in a cute way. He is everything I could hope. He is cute, adorable and every other word you can use to describe a baby. He spent most of the day sleeping, which I assume is expected; so not much crying but I suspect that will change very soon.

All the newborn tests have not been done yet, but there are no glaring issues so far and I’m keeping my fingers crossed. He is expected to be released from the hospital on Sunday so we made an appointment with a local pediatrician for Monday for his “newborn” checkup. We will make another appointment in two weeks for his “two-week” checkup. Hopefully after that, we will be able to take him home.

I can’t wait to get home. I’ve only spent two days in this hotel and I already hate it. I picked it because it is a suite with a separate bedroom and kitchen, but the building is old and makes me feel a bit depressed. I keep finding little issues with the room or hotel. I need to stop watching Hotel Impossible!

Emotionally, it does not seem real to me. I am very excited and scared at the same time.

They both love the sun

Last weekend we went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday with another couple. It was a great time and I discovered a new restaurant to go back to. During dinner they asked what we were going to do with the dogs when we went to Dallas for the adoption. They were surprised that we had decided to board them for three weeks. The kennel we use is very good with boarding. They have very large runs so that both the dogs can stay together, plus it is a large property out in the country where they can run around for a bit. But boarding two dogs for three weeks is expensive, and they offered to have the dogs come stay with them. While the idea of saving $2,500 excited me, in the back of my mind I knew this was not going to be a good idea. At first I said no, but they insisted, so we offered to bring the dogs over to the house to see how they would get along.

Teddy

Last night we went over to their house for dinner. They have four children from the ages of 10 to 14. Teddy is 13 years old and moves very slowly. He didn’t seem to mind all the people but he was very curious where the smell of the ferret and the hamsters was coming from. He kept wandering around the room smelling and re-smelling every corner. Gracie is 7 years old and we have not done a very good job of socializing her to other people. Until this moment, we never had a reason to. She was on edge all night long and would not allow any of the kids to pet her or play with her. She was in full protection mode and sat next to either me or my wife the entire evening. She was aggressively growling and snapping at the kids to the point that they eventually went into their rooms. I know they were very disappointed because they had expressed a lot of excitement at the prospect of playing with a dog.

Gracie

Experiencing Gracie’s behavior made me wonder how she is going to be when the newborn arrives. I’ve been a bit stressed about it since the weekend especially because I feel that I created the problem by not providing her proper training. I know she was in an environment where she did not feel comfortable or safe – you could see that on her face and in her cowering body language. In our own home, I am hopeful that she will not feel threatened. She is generally fine when our parents come over but she does not have any experience with children or babies. To start with, we will keep Gracie away from Andrew and if that doesn’t work, we will need to hire a dog trainer to help us with this problem.

When we were discussing names for the baby, the birth mother had mentioned that she liked the name Thomas Anthony. My wife, being a school teacher, said that every teacher has a list of names that are trouble, and Anthony is on hers. She has had bad experiences with boys named Anthony. We wanted to honor the birth parents in some way for giving us such a precious gift and thought we could use Thomas as a middle name. We had not thought much about first names. I always assumed that if I had a boy that he would be named William Robert so I could call him Billy Bob. That does not work as well with Thomas. If he was John Thomas we could call him JT.

Last week in church the name Andrew came to me and I turned to my wife and said, “Our son’s name is Andrew Thomas”. Honestly I am not sure where the name came from and I am still getting used to it. My wife was talking to the birth mother the other day and she once again asked if we had thought of any names. Before my wife could tell her the name we selected, the birth mother said that her daughter’s last name is Andrew and they were thinking that Andrew Thomas might be a nice name. She asked if we might consider it. The conversation got eerily quiet after my wife told her that we had already selected the name Andrew Thomas. It seems that at every corner there are signs that this baby is meant for us, but I just don’t want to jinx anything.